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Especially in a big city like Los Angeles or New York, looks alone do not suffice.

I need, nay, the intellectual engagement, and legions of smart, educated men feel similarly.

What should you do if you're in a similar situation? When you're in the midst of or freshly out of a Big Life Change, the very idea of allowing yourself to enjoy any experience can sound and feel ridiculous. Ask yourself how those feelings might be serving you? You just have to adjust your lens and be willing to stay open and while you create a healthy, optimistic outlook on life.

Gracefully take a step back, allow yourself to be vulnerable and let him come to you. And if he doesn't regroup, this man may not be living on his essential purpose and does not have his overall well-being in check, or it may just not be the right time for him, hence why he becomes restless and withdrawn, preventing him from showing up for you. The bottom line in relationships is this: Trust that people do the best they can. Are you a smart, bravehearted midlife woman who is a phoenix in the making?

If men aren’t interested in you, it probably isn’t because you aren’t a supermodel, it is probably because they can see how you feel about yourself. I once knew a newly divorced woman who wanted to meet available men, so she started a business offering cooking classes for divorced/newly-single men. A great start is to just smile and say: However you connect with a man -- the uncertainty, the angst, and the ups and downs of getting to know someone new all over again can be overwhelming and downright frightening. Getting clear about what you want will help guide your mind in all kinds of positive directions to help you find and attract the right situations and people in your life. ask yourself what kind of relationship you want before you become involved with a man and that fierce chemical attraction begins to cloud your vision. Men crave honest women who are up front about what they want in relationships.That is unless you put dating in perspective and see it for what it is: not just a chance to meet new people, but as an opportunity to reconnect with your authentic self and put your positive energy in play as you paint your clean white canvas! I'm talking about your deal breakers and must haves. Accepting a situation that is anything other than what you truly want will surely create unhappiness, and keep you tied to a man who's not right for you. Truth: you must believe you are worthy of love, and that you deserve to be cherished. It tells him that she's not too attached to the immediate outcome and subtly lets him know, if his behavior doesn't change, he won't have the pleasure of her company.The same goes for Match.com, where 25 percent of its members are between 50 and 65, that segment having grown 89 percent in the last five years (71 percent after a divorce and 11 percent who were widowed). If online dating isn't your cup of tea, you can meet someone through professional contacts.That represents millions of singles looking for love. You may ask friends to set you up, you could join special-interest groups -- book clubs, hiking groups, tennis teams, ski clubs or even a ballroom dancing or salsa group -- or you could just get creative. Stay true to what you want and need, and go from there. It's key to know what you want and to let a man know it. Create that subtle balance between being outspoken about what you want and allow the unique connection to evolve.

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